Those of you who know me and follow my blog might have noticed I have not posted over the last 4 months.
The sudden loss of loved ones and coping with several physical injuries has led my family on a difficult and challenging journey this year. I found myself in an unwelcome and spiritually dry place. One where I felt I could neither give nor receive much of anything.
I felt stuck! Deeply stuck!
Honesty, I am not surprised to have found myself in this place. This rut. You see, during the last few months of 2017, I felt led to encourage others to have hope. Well, I have to say, what better way for the enemy to derail me, taking me off course, than to bring discouragements and distractions as he waged war against me and my family. The goal of which was to take my hope. I was left feeling drained from the battles we faced. I was also disappointed with myself. Disappointed that I once again listened to the enemy’s lies rather than rest in the reassurance of God’s word and His love. I wanted to be so much stronger and wiser.
I have desperately missed writing and missed connecting and sharing with my readers. Honestly, there were days when my face held a smile but deep inside I felt discouraged. I neither had the energy nor the zeal to do much more than survive. Even in knowing the truth of God’s word and that He is indeed good and faithful, I found myself struggling with my reality and I found myself questioning His presence.
Does God care?
I wondered how can I encourage others when I am in this struggle. Feeling out of sync, falling apart, disconnected. How could I genuinely share how to trust, rest and rely on God when I was struggling with my own issues. A crafty way for the enemy to try to dismantle my purpose and get me to question where God was in my own life. Sometimes we are so deep in our mess, we find it hard to differentiate between the lies of the enemy and the truth of God’s word about us.
I wonder if you have ever found your self here?
God was patient with me and He was understanding. He offered me much grace during these 4 months. And, He breathed the following words into my heart
“My daughter, rise from the ashes.”
These words bounced off the walls of my heart until they started to slowly burn into my soul. The Macmillian dictionary describes this phrase as this “to start to exists again”. And dictionary.com says to “emerge as new from something that has been destroyed.” Those words spoken by Holy Spirit were specific to me and they were calling me to action.
God understood my emotions and He understood my human weakness. He heard my questions and though He did not answer them all, He desired to bring peace and comfort to my heart and He has. I was embraced in His arms of love. God knew I still needed to learn how to fully trust Him, especially when I did not understand.
What does God’s plan really entail?
One of my favourite bible verse is found in Jeremiah 29:11 NIV
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me, and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you.” declares the Lord
The main reason I love this verse is because it gives such hope. Over the last few months I have come to appreciate this verse even more. We love to say that God’s plans for us are good yet no where in this verse or any other verse, for that matter, does God promise us that His plans for us would be ‘good’. What I believe He is saying is this. His plans are good for us. For transforming us and drawing us to Him for His glory.
He wants us to know that no matter what He allows in our life, He holds our best interest at heart. Even in the circumstances that may not seem favorable to us or includes pain and loss.
In those moments, those tough moments when we don’t understand and cry out to Him in desperation; He compassionately calls to us “I love you, trust me.”
As I learn to trust Him more, I am becoming better equipped to handle the adversities and trials of life. I am having a better understanding of Him and of myself. I am learning to accept and embrace His greater purpose and plan. That plan that promises to “give me hope and a future” even when the lesson is taught through pain and suffering.
Continuing the journey
I had tea with a dear friend of mine recently. She shared a bit with me of her family’s journey through a prolonged dark season. Consumed by the weight and enormity of their journey, she withdrew and isolated herself. But God met her in the darkness and He was her light and hope. He was the anchor that held her and her family in place when the waves of anguish and despair washed over them. In her desperate moments she sought the Lord and it was He who guided them back to shore. It was an honor to hear her story and I was encouraged by God’s faithfulness to her and her family.
Some would say, are we not Christians? How can we know God and still have these kind of struggles?
We are human. And, though we are saved by the blood of Christ, we live in a fallen world and we are not exempt from the trials and struggles of this life. In fact, as Christians, we daily come face to face with our own weaknesses and discover our strength and dependency is not of our self but instead is in Christ.
We would like to think this journey we are on is about us and what God can do for us. But it’s not. It is about God and what He intend to accomplish here on earth until His return. My journey is continuous and I am learning to trust God more and more, leading to a stronger faith. And I am learning to embrace His greater purpose and plan. In the moments when I get weighted down by the cares of life, I am pointed to His word. His sweet voice calls me to the stillness of His peace.
My family and I are journeying through. Our hearts are being healed and we continue to believe for healing in our bodies. Personally, I am choosing to walk daily with God, allowing Him to hold my hand as I continue to rise from the ashes, emerging from what the enemy meant to destroy my faith and rob me of my hope.
Isaiah 41:13 says
“For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.”
How reassuring and comforting is His word! I pray that whatever season you are in, you will allow Him to hold your right hand.
Dear friends, I would be truly honored if you would come and journey by faith with me again. God bless you!