It has been over a year since I started to blog but the desire to write simmered in my heart for quite a long time. So long that I keep finding dollar store books in storage boxes with blog names and unfinished entries from the earlier parts of 2000’s.
However, I was held back by fear and feelings of inadequacy. I wondered if God could really use me or if anyone would care to read my writing. So I kept ignoring the prompting, hoping it would dissipate. But nothing I did would erase the deep desire I felt to write and so on July 31st, 2016, I published my first post, a simple post rightly titled “Freedom from fear”.
When I hit that ‘publish’ button, wow! I felt a whole slew of different emotions!
I felt fear, apprehension and I had that sense of been overwhelmed. Had I gotten in over my head? Still, in the midst of all those swirling emotions, I also felt light. Like a weight had been lifted off of me. I also had a freeness in my spirit that I knew came from obedience. Obedience to God as I stepped into what I believed was a call to this form of ministry.
Since then, most times as I put pen to paper, words flow from somewhere deep inside. This, somehow, diminishes my fears and the introvert in me step aside to reveal someone who expresses herself with a boldness she knows can only come from God.
Blogging in many ways is not what I envisioned. Although I enjoy writing, I have to admit it is not always easy. It is time-consuming and I find it hardest to write and encourage others when I face struggles or distractions in my own personal life. My creative juices drain to low and I find it difficult to concentrate or give from the little I have in those times.
I like simplicity but the world of blogging seems rather complicated and at times overwhelming. I find myself adding words such as mailchimp, branding and ‘add ons’ to my vocabulary, some of which completely goes over my head. Throwing myself into the world of social media (something I had previously shied away from) in order to publicize and promote my site became a norm. Apparently, optimizing google search and email subscription is very important, who would have thought? Sometimes I feel like I am back in Algebra class and I’m staring at the equation through glazed eyes.
Still, writing has brought some awesome blessings into my life. I have met some wonderfully encouraging and supportive friends. I have also learned some amazing lessons on the journey.
A FEW LESSONS ON THE BLOG JOURNEY
1. Blogging has taught me, ministry is not about what I necessarily want. Instead, it is about obedience and being willing to be used by God. Allowing God to work through me even when faced with doubt, fear and anxiety or even the daily trials of life.
2. I have and continue to learn to push past the fear and trust God to do in and through me what only He can.
3. The game of comparison can easily catch us off guard. I am daily reminded I cannot compare my calling with someone else’s. This can easily distract me, causing me to miss out on the uniqueness of what God desires to accomplish through me.
4. I have learned that a tradesman uses many tools, some big, some small and that a hammer cannot do what a screwdriver does. Though in the same tool box, each serves its own purpose to get the job done. My efforts, though seemingly small, can have an enormous effect for God’s kingdom.
5. And lastly, I have learned that it is ok to have questions on this journey as along as I trust God to answer them as He sees fit. That the days when I may question my calling, I don’t allow my emotions, especially fear, to be the deciding factor on whether I stop or proceed.
SO WHEN I DON’T WANT TO BLOG ANYMORE..
Yes, there are days when I will wake up and feel “I don’t want to blog anymore.” These are days when I feel discouraged and weighted down by the complexities of life. But on those days I breath a prayer and remind myself, this really is not about me. I also know it’s ok to give myself permission to slow down or take a break if necessary. It is about faithfully serving God in the capacity I have been given. Allowing myself to be there for that one person who might type something into the google search field. Someone looking for a little encouragement or a ray of hope. And on the days when my sowing may seem futile and I get discouraged, faint hearted or just plain tired, I will trust in the One who called me, trusting him to bring in the harvest.
Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.
Colossians 3:23-24 NIV
Come on dear friends, let us journey together by faith today. God bless you!